Children are curious by nature – about the world, about each other, about everything they encounter. They have this innate sense of wonder and eagerly explore their environments with open minds and enthusiasm. Yet, despite this natural inclination towards discovery, it is often the influence of adults that shapes their perceptions and attitudes towards the unfamiliar. Driven by their own insecurities, prejudices or simply personal preferences, sometimes adults inadvertently instil fear and worry in children, stifling their innate curiosity and limiting their potential for growth. Granted, in many cases these are life-saving lessons, but there is a fine line there that we often unknowingly cross. Language is one area where this often happens and our attitudes can sometimes breed unnecessary apprehension and reluctance. In this context, it’s crucial to encourage kids to be curious about and accept different languages and cultures right from the start, which is something I’ve also mentioned in an earlier blog post. By fostering and modelling a positive attitude towards languages early on, we can guide children to not only appreciate the rich variety of languages but also to cultivate open-mindedness and acceptance. One effective strategy to do that is through bilingual playdates. Something that many of you reading this have had the pleasure of experiencing. Due to their innate curiosity, children would naturally gravitate towards a new language or aspects of a new culture, wanting to find out more. They will not only learn new words and phrases, but will organically gain an appreciation for it, soaking up all the newness within the safe environment of a friend’s home.
One question that comes up in almost all family language planning sessions is whether to switch to another language when hosting a playdate with a child who speaks a different language. While this decision is typically made based on individual family dynamics, I often advocate for parents to maintain consistency by continuing to speak their home language with their children, even when other children are present who may not speak the same language. This practice serves multiple purposes: it helps children maintain fluency in their native language, instills a sense of pride and connection to their cultural heritage, elevates the importance of their home language and reassures children that their language is valued and worthy of respect.
However, this is by no means a one-way street and I have experienced it time and time again with my children. When we continue speaking our home languages – Bulgarian for me and English for my husband – during playdates, we create an inclusive and safe space where the children who are visiting can observe firsthand how it works and how we do it. They are allowed to be participants rather than mere spectators if they wish. And it ignites their natural curiosity, easing into the environment a little bit more every time they visit.
Exposure to different languages enriches the linguistic environment for all children involved, offering them unique opportunities for language learning and cultural exchange.
Embrace your home language(s).
You know, inviting children over for playdates can sometimes feel a bit daunting, especially if, like me, you’re a parent or caregiver who doesn’t speak the local language well and feel like you won’t be able to communicate with your child’s friends. Here is what happens in our home. Most of the children who visit us speak Dutch – a common occurrence since we live in The Netherlands, our neighbours are almost all Dutch and my children go to a Dutch school. And my son (almost 9) and daughter (5), raised in a bilingual household, speak Bulgarian with me and English with my husband. While initially this language dynamic may seem challenging, I’ve discovered that it can enrich the playdate experience for all involved.
Just like a lot of the parents and caregivers I talk to, I used to feel a twinge of insecurity when I noticed the puzzled looks on the faces of our young guests while I spoke to my children in Bulgarian. Adding to the confusion, my daughter is a receptive bilingual in Bulgarian, so she mostly responds to me in English, our family language, while I continue speaking Bulgarian to her. You can imagine the children’s surprise when they keep hearing various languages around them – anything but Dutch. Understandably, they’re caught off guard and perplexed. They don’t know how to react and what to do with whatever is unfolding in front of them. So, I show them that it’s ok to be unsure by seeking eye contact and smiling at them in approval. I also take a little step back, giving them some physical space to breathe and process. I’ve learned to transform that initial insecurity into a valuable opportunity for growth, both for the children and for myself.
Instead of avoiding speaking Bulgarian with my children during playdates, I’ve wholeheartedly embraced it. And I also encourage my clients to do the same – don’t let insecurity overpower you. Instead, keep speaking your home language to your child (of course, if applicable in the specific situation). Sure, it might seem daunting at first, especially when you notice the confusion or even insecurity playing across their faces. But, with time, you’ll come to realise that this confusion is the spark of curiosity waiting to be ignited and it’s up to you as parent/caregiver/adult to support and encourage that.
So, ask your child to explain to their friends, in a language they use together and can relate to, what you‘re speaking and why, along with offering some reassurance. And you know what? It works like a charm. Admittedly, it takes some getting used to, but it does work and it’s worth the effort. Speaking from experience, once they realise that they’re not being excluded, but rather invited into a whole different world, their curiosity takes over. I see it in the way their eyes light up while talking about it, using the familiar language they all share.
In fact, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to hear from other parents that their children (growing up monolingually) enjoy coming over precisely because they find our setup intriguing. They are excited to learn new words, try different foods, experience new traditions and observe foreign ways of living – all within the safe environment of a friend’s home. The lesson here:
Don’t hesitate to embrace your home language. Share it proudly, showing your children that their home language matters and it’s perfectly fine to speak it and be different.
Support multilingual classrooms.
It goes without saying that, outside the family, schools play a pivotal role in fostering an environment where bilingualism is not just accepted, but also celebrated and embraced. By promoting and elevating linguistic diversity, schools not only enhance the overall educational experience but also create inclusive learning environments where all students feel valued and respected; learning environments where students can be themselves and show up without hiding parts of who they are.
One key strategy for schools to support bilingualism is by encouraging and supporting the maintenance of students’ home languages. Recognising and validating students’ native languages not only helps them maintain fluency but also instills a sense of pride in their identity. It also fosters a sense of bravery to express themselves and be everything they can and want to be, embracing their full potential.
Additionally, schools can actively promote the importance of playdates as part of their diversity-and-inclusion initiatives, regardless of the languages children speak at home. And here are two reasons why:
1. Playdates are an indispensable part of a child’s socio-emotional development, offering opportunities to learn about themselves and others, navigate conflicts, cope with differences and develop empathy and understanding in a less structured environment, outside of school.
2. Playdates play a vital role in integration and inclusion, particularly for students who may be new to a school or are learning a new language. Facilitating playdates can help these students feel welcome, make friends and practise the school language in a comfortable setting. Moreover, bilingual playdates contribute to the promotion of cross-cultural understanding and empathy among students, enriching both the guest and the host.
Finally, such playdates are instrumental in promoting more inclusive bilingual classrooms. They not only support language development but also cultivate appreciation for different languages and cultures within a safe and intimate environment outside of the traditional classroom setting. Students start appreciating their classmates’ languages and cultures outside of school and inadvertently bring it into the classroom.
Teachers and parents – focus on collaboration.
The partnership between parents and teachers is essential in creating a supportive environment for sustaining bilingualism at home and school. When parents and teachers work together, they can effectively promote linguistic diversity and ensure that all students feel valued and included.
Open and effective communication is, therefore, crucial. By reaching out and chatting on a regular basis, parents and teachers can share insights, address concerns and decide on strategies to support their bilinguals effectively. One example of successful collaboration between schools and families in promoting linguistic diversity is the encouragement of playdates.
Parents who may feel excluded due to language barriers might (and often do) hesitate to engage in social activities, playdates included. However, by reaching out to these parents and offering reassurance and support, schools can empower them to take an active role in fostering connections with other families. Encouraging them to organise playdates with classmates and extend invitations to their homes can foster meaningful connections and transform their sense of belonging within the school community. Through mediation, facilitation and support, schools can empower parents to actively participate in fostering connections with other families.
Benefits for children.
Where do I start because the benefits that children gain from these experiences are extensive and multifaceted – from enhanced language development through improved social skills to heightened cultural awareness, to name a few of them. And both parents and teachers need to support the process however they can. It is always a two-way street, which is often overlooked. Engaging in bilingual playdates provides children with invaluable opportunities to expand their language skills. They gain exposure to multiple languages, thus fostering (linguistic) flexibility and enabling them to adapt more easily to diverse communication settings.
Furthermore, such playdates promote the development of crucial social skills. By encouraging cooperation, empathy and cross-cultural understanding, children slowly become more adept at navigating social interactions with individuals from diverse backgrounds. This increased cultural literacy lays the foundation for greater tolerance and acceptance of others. These experiences not only enrich their social development but also lay the groundwork for building inclusive and empathetic relationships in the future. They fuel personal growth.
So, don’t hesitate to speak your home language with your children, even when their friends who don’t understand it are present. Ditch the worry that the guests won’t understand you and recognise the transformative power of fostering curiosity and acceptance towards the different languages these practices carry. Remember – children are naturally curious, it’s often the adults who tell them these practices are unacceptable or out of the ordinary. We create our own norms and communicate them to our environment, so make sure to change the narrative. Teachers play a crucial role in this equation as well. They contribute to nurturing a positive attitude towards different languages from an early age and collaborate with parents to support bilingualism. Let curiosity and acceptance guide the way forward!
What’s your approach to managing languages during playdates? How do you navigate home and school language(s) when your child has friends over?
Curious about navigating bilingual playdates with ease? Stay tuned, as I’ll be delving into effective strategies to help you do just that. Follow this space for valuable insights and practical tips coming your way soon!
Image by Kindel Media by pexel.com
on raising bilingual children 