We’re in the middle of Neurodiversity Celebration Week and today, we also mark the International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination. That is why today I want to talk about the beauty of diversity, acceptance and curiosity. I want to talk about the beauty that lies in our differences – not as limitations or obstacles, but as enriching and empowering elements of our collective human experience. I want to talk about seeing these differences as a source of strength and growth rather than points of division or inadequacy; about valuing what makes us unique.
This topic is vast and layered, brimming with nuances and complexities. I attended a two-day workshop with the amazing Angeline Aow on Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Justice a couple of months ago and while it made me painfully aware how much work is still to be done, it also provided me with a lot of insights, sparked countless ideas and gave me lots to ponder, particularly about the unique intersection between bilingual families, the upbringing of multicultural children and their pivotal role in upholding and championing these critical values. My goal with this post is to invite you to pause for a moment to reflect on these issues as well as to share some strategies for making a meaningful impact. Starting today. From within your home. Why? Because it all starts at home, at the grassroot level, and, believe me when I say that, every one of us has the capacity to contribute to that change. You can too!
But where do we start? It’s simple – we start by having conversations, by cultivating self-awareness, by being intentional about our actions and reactions in the ways we approach difference. In our society, differences are often viewed as deficiencies and weaknesses. Those who deviate from the so-called “norm”, are labelled as outliers, failing to fit in the rigid boxes, custom-crafted by societal norms and standards. Consider these widely-spread misconceptions: a neurodivergent child couldn’t possibly be raised bilingual – they often have trouble with one language, so how can they possibly manage two or more?! A child who doesn’t speak the school’s language when they start school is somehow at a huge disadvantage, so how can we mould them to fit into the box? A new family joins the school or moves into our community. How can we pressure them to conform? These are just a handful of examples that underscore a much broader issue – the flawed pursuit of conformity over genuine integration and adaptation.
Why this constant striving for conformity? Why do we push individuals to be a “good fit” for an environment, implicitly (often also, sadly, explicitly) asking them to bend themselves to fit into predefined molds? This mindset not only stifles individuality but also ignores the rich contributions that diversity brings; it’s far from adaptation – it’s stagnation. No one should be forced into a metaphorical drawer, out of sight and out of mind, just to maintain the status quo. It’s time to rethink our approach, to shift from seeking “good fits” to valuing “good additions”, as Angeline Aow pointed out. So, why not get rid of the drawers and boxes altogether and find a new system that reflects the dynamic, ever-evolving nature of our world? Scary – yes! Necessary – absolutely! Let’s start by redefining our paradigm: from fitting in to adding value. Granted this would be “just” a change in perspective to start with, but what it can do is open the door to a more inclusive, accepting society where differences are celebrated as strengths and diversity is seen as a catalyst for growth and innovation.
And then continue by talking. Talking about the differences that surround us rather than quietly acknowledging and then conveniently disregarding them. This demonstrates a genuine commitment to understanding and inclusion.
Your willingness to learn and engage shows you care.
It teaches your children that by embracing curiosity and respect, they can better understand and appreciate the diversity around them. Indeed, embracing such conversations might feel uncomfortable at first. It requires us to admit our ignorance and expose our vulnerabilities, stepping into a space of uncertainty. That can be scary! Yet, it’s precisely in these moments of discomfort that the most profound learning and growth occur. It’s right there, in the willingness to confront what we don’t know and to challenge our preconceived notions, that we can truly expand our understanding and, most importantly, our empathy. As Angeline Aow said, the reality is that diversity and difference do not inherently lead to division; rather, it’s the silence and avoidance around these topics that deepen the divides.
Do you feel confused about a cultural norm?
- Seek clarity by asking questions. People will welcome your interest and willingness to learn.
Are you unsure of how to approach and engage with someone from a different cultural background?
- Ask questions and be curious.
What is your advantage as a bilingual family?
Bilingual families stand at the crossroads of cultures, languages and perspectives. You want and need to nurture fluency and cultural understanding in multiple languages, but to really make this happen, it’s important to go deeper than just casual chats or occasional celebrations. You need to really get into the heart of the cultures connected to the languages you’re speaking as they are inherently intertwined. By doing this deep dive, your bilingual family can become an incredible champion for diversity, inclusivity and acceptance – starting at home and showing everyone how it’s done. Why, some may ask. In these families, in your family, diversity is not just sort of tolerated, it is celebrated as a core component of your identity.
Children in bilingual families have a rare advantage. They are immersed in diverse linguistic environments from their earliest days, each carrying its own world of traditions, stories and ways of seeing life. This is their ‘normal’ and it teaches them a variety of lessons – empathy towards others, acceptance of differences, better communication skills and a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives. As we navigate this journey of raising children in such environments, our role and influence extend far beyond what we often realise. This task is critical in every family, but it becomes especially vital in homes where multiple languages are spoken, where each language serves as a bridge to understanding others, fostering a sense of connection and broadening their view to embrace a more inclusive and understanding approach to the world around them.
Children are born fresh canvases.
- They enter the world without preconceived notions about race, colour or disability.
- They are free from the weight of societal biases and other social constructs.
- They see heart and soul, friendships and opportunities.
- They seek belonging as a basic human need on their quest for connection.[1] They (often painfully) remind us that it’s not “us” vs. “them”, but rather it’s just “us” – unique individuals.
However, it’s sometimes those nuances and more blatant messages from their environment that start to paint their perceptions, outlining and influencing distinctions that gradually shape up their understanding of society. The role of parents / caregivers during this process cannot be overstated. Especially parents like each and everyone of you – raising children with more than one language, across cultures. The foundation of acceptance and inclusivity we build at home, teaching children to appreciate diversity not as a barrier, but as a bridge to deeper understanding, becomes the starting point for our children’s perspective for life. So, here is my call to action:
1.Understand your influence and power
As a parent / caregiver, it’s important to understand the profound impact your words, attitudes and behaviours have on your children. They absorb and internalise everything you say and do, using it as a blueprint for navigating their own lives. By consciously modelling acceptance and inclusivity, you have the opportunity to instil these values into the core of their being, shaping individuals who celebrate diversity and champion empathy.
2. Encourage curiosity
Encourage your children to approach the world with a sense of wonder and a thirst for knowledge. Encourage them to ask questions about people’s differences, because this understanding is the foundation of empathy and mutual respect. We tend to shy away from (and often even shun) what we don’t understand, because, deep down, it scares us. That’s why curiosity is a potent tool—it builds understanding, respect and, eventually, a deep appreciation for the world’s many shades and colours.
3. Address and challenge stereotypes
Utilise the power of everyday conversations in dismantling stereotypes and biases. By addressing tough topics head-on, even in casual conversations, you promote open-mindedness and critical thinking. Uncomfortable talking about topics, such as race or the many nuances of neurodiversity, for example? Embrace that discomfort and learn together. This will guide your children to become considerate, well-informed and inclusive individuals.
4. Celebrate linguistic diversity
Each language spoken in your family offers unique insights, perspectives and an appreciation of diverse cultures. Celebrate this richness. You will not only help your children connect with their heritage but also cultivate an appreciation for the diverse viewpoints each language and culture represent.
5. Lead by example
Perhaps the most crucial aspect of all. Why? Because the most impactful lessons are those lived, not just spoken. Your children observe your interactions with the world around you. They notice it all – your discussions at the dinner table, your reactions to (current) events and your engagement with those around you. They all contribute to your child’s learning. Show them the beauty of a world where everyone is included and valued, not just through your words but through your actions.
6. Cultivate empathy and compassion
The heart of inclusivity is empathy and compassion. Encourage these qualities in your children to equip them with the ability to understand and embrace others. Teaching your children to understand and empathise with others, to view the world through their eyes, lays the foundation for a commitment to acceptance and inclusivity.
7. Teach them to ask themselves “Do my actions have a good impact?”[2]
Impress upon your children the importance of considering the impact of their actions. Encourage them to reflect on whether their behavior contributes positively to their environment. Because what we intend to do and what we actually do are two completely different things and that’s why we need to take the leap from thinking about it to acting on it; to take the leap from “I get it, it’s everywhere” or “everyone does that” to asking “why” and, even more importantly, “why not”.
Addressing barriers and stereotypes in bilingual households is vital. The reason being that a home where multiple languages and cultures coexist and thrive should also be a haven and a sanctuary for open dialogues, diverse opinions and explorative questions. All without fear of judgement. My core belief in raising children in such an environment is deeply rooted in promoting a sense of appreciation, acceptance and understanding. Embarking on that journey goes far beyond setting goals, choosing your methods and strategies to eventually reach the goals you’ve set. It’s also about utilising your languages as tools to build bridges, rather than walls, toward a more open, inclusive and culturally sensitive world.
The path ahead is challenging and there is still considerable amount of work to be done, yet
bilingual families, raising children in-between languages, cultures and ways of doing life, are uniquely positioned to be the trailblazers for transformative change.
Start by welcoming and embracing conversations about topics that might feel awkward or uncomfortable, or even potentially divisive. These are often the issues we assume don’t need addressing, perhaps under the mistaken belief that our open-mindedness exempts us from needing to confront them. Yet, it’s crucial to recognise that true acceptance goes beyond passive tolerance – it is born from actively engaging with and dissecting these topics. The reality is that divisiveness often stems not from the issues themselves, but from a hesitancy or reluctance to openly discuss them. Let’s amplify and elevate what is already here!
Ask questions, engage actively in conversation and foster a dialogue that opens up new worlds, perspectives and connections through each language spoken within your household! What questions do you find yourself asking? How do you embed these values in your family’s daily life?
Resources:
Kim, M. M. (2021) The Wake Up. Closing the gap between good intentions and real change. New York, NY: Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Footnotes:
[1] https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs.html
[2] Kim, M. M. (2021) The Wake Up. Closing the gap between good intentions and real change. New York, NY: Hachette Book Group, Inc., p. 29.
Featured image by Ben Wicks on unsplash.com
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